I used to be a teacher. When I left the classroom, I spent a ton of time in elementary, middle, and high schools, working with principals and teachers, and of course, talking with kids. All of that time with teenagers helped me figure out how to best communicate with them in a way where they felt heard, empowered, and supported.
These techniques are similar to ones that executive coaches use - that I use - in my daily work with clients. I have an advantage, a "playbook," for how to talk to my own teenagers and other teenagers in ways that keep the lines of communication open and our relationships strong.
I'm always sharing tips from my "executive coach's playbook" with friends who have teenagers, and I'm sharing them with you - no gatekeeping here! - to try at home.
I teach parents how to talk to their teenagers.
“Raising teenagers is not for the fragile, and that’s true even when everything is going just as it should.”
- Lisa Damour
20+ years of keynote speaking experience; in-person and virtual options available.
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Discover your parenting style
Ever wonder how you're coming across to your teenager? Would they call you a "positive enabler," a "negative reinforcer," a "no-nonsense nurturer," or a "friend?"
"Coaching empowers people to make their own decisions. It builds self-confidence, trust of self, self-reliance, and strengthens decision-making capabilities. Coaching is predicated on the notion that the person being coached already has what it takes to figure out their own problems but needs some support along the way.
Sounds good, right? You probably want all these things for your child. The question then is - what makes a “good” coach?"
Your Teenager Doesn't Talk To You? It's Not Them, It's You
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Unleash the power of transformative coaching conversation with your teen by using this tried-and-true template! It's a great way to open up meaningful dialogue and create an atmosphere where everyone can thrive."
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5 Quick Swaps
Asking “How was your day?” when your teenager comes home from school
Smile and say, “I’m so happy to see you.”
INSTEAD OF
DO THIS
you can make in your communication to build a better relationship with your teenager
Saying “Why did you do that?
Try “Walk me through your thinking.”
Asking “Anything else?” when your teen is talking to you
Try “What else?” to keep the conversation going
Saying “You really should…”
Try “Hmm…” and wait
Saying “You really should…”
Try “Hmm…” and wait
Saying “You really should…”
Try “Hmm…” and wait
Interjecting with your own thoughts and stories when they’re talking
Show them you’re listening with your body language and vocalizing (oh, hmm, ah).
Asking “How was your day?” when your teenager comes home from school
Smile and say, “I’m so happy to see you.”
Saying “Why did you do that?
Try “Walk me through your thinking.”
Asking “Anything else?” when your teen is talking to you
Try “What else?” to keep the conversation going
Saying “You really should…”
Try “Hmm…” and wait
Interjecting with your own thoughts and stories when they’re talking
Show them you’re listening with your body language and vocalizing (oh, hmm, ah).
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"I received an email from school that my teen was absent from school. I texted my son and he said he was at school but wasn’t in class on time. I was really mad but I reached out to Maria to get some advice. She said, instead of getting angry and grounding him, maybe try being on time and possibly once a month there’s a day to be late. Try not to make a habit of it.
So, I texted my son, who was still at school, I said, when you get home let’s talk. When he came home from school, he came right through the door and said he was sorry and that he was missing a few an assignments and needed to get them done. Then we had a chat and there was no yelling.
Thanks to Maria, I felt successful at my parenting and learn that I didn’t have to get riled up and could have a discussion with my teen."
Discover how a mother was able improve her communication after getting valuable advice!
